i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
