You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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