I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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