he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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