kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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