You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
