i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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