Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
