remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
