Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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