tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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