how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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