I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
