Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
