How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
