is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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