haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
