either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
