How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize