So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize