party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
