So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
