what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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