Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
