loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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