Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
