Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
