The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
