the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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