just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
