your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
