Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
