tell your sister to shave her snatch
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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