Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize