I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
