Have you finally orgasmed yet?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
