I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
