Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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