are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
