It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize