You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
whose parrot is this?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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