puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
