saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
