I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
