conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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