sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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