how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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