god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
