Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
