i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
