thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
