I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize