What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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