remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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