i jhust puked up my retainher.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
