I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't want my vagina anymore.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
