the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i will never coherently bang her
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
