He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
