I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize