What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
