This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
