He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
