chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
