ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
