Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
