That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
