I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
