you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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