Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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