ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
