And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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