I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
