I like my sex mixed with concussions.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
