You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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