i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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