You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize