he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
