Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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