What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
