Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
