so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize