let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
