that's an acceptable place to lick
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
