Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
