Me too!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
