the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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